Val Dumond

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One method to overcome the "fear" of other-ness is to ask questions.

This Is What I Believe
by Val Dumond
©2005

NOTE: The following is my entry to Jay Allison at National Public Radio to participate in sharing 500-word essays on the subject "This I Believe." You can contribute too - check it out at www.npr.org.

I believe in the power of language. While I have been intrigued with that belief for several decades - I'm a writer - it took my granddaughter to show me how easily that power can be demonstrated.

When she was in fifth grade, she proudly announced that she had become a CM. "Just what does that mean?" I asked.

"I'm a Conflict Manager," she told me proudly, "helping children learn to use words to solve problems." Then she explained how 10-year-old CMs help other students settle arguments at her elementary school that might otherwise evolve into fisticuffs. Their basic training prepares them not only for playground solutions, but for solving problems at home as well.

"When a girl calls a boy 'stupid', that makes him feel bad. If I wasn't there, the hurt boy might punch out the girl." My granddaughter loves to spell out these things for me. Apparently it's her patience (with me) that earned her a spot on the CM team.

On a playground, angry words may lead to name-calling and, left unchecked, to a bloody nose. At another level, hot, angry words between nations can lead to threats, which can lead to retaliation - either with more angry words or with troops. Most confrontations, whether personal or globular, occur between people who feel different from one another.

I firmly believe that words - combined with patience - can settle differences anywhere.

Human nature draws us to those who think as we do, share common goals, and who believe in us - what I call the "Us and Them Thing." We separate ourselves from people unlike us in a number of ways:

• men/women
• old/young
• Republicans/Democrats
• easterners/westerners
• light-skin/dark-skin
• hairy/bald
• fat/thin
• rich/poor
• sighted/blind
• ambulatory/wheel-chair bound
• meat-eaters/vegetarians
• USA-born/newcomers (immigrants, but then, aren't we all?).

There are many many more.

What would bridge those differences? Forget the divisive words - those that call attention to physical appearance, skin color, gender, age, physical or mental ability, and economic position. Instead, find words that respect differences and embrace the ways people are alike.

Sound easy? All good things sound easy. However, we also know that all worthwhile things are achieved with difficulty, patience and perseverance.

One method to overcome the "fear" of other-ness is to ask questions.

• Who are you?
• Why do you feel as you do?
• What do you want out of life?
• What bothers you about this other person (country)?
• How do you want to be called?

I have always believed that words carry great influence - for both good and bad. Words hurt, for sure. But they also evoke warm feelings, placate, and yes, heal. I believe that by paying attention to the way we use words with people who are different from us, it is possible to achieve family harmony, social justice and yes, even world peace - one word at a time.

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Please feel free to contact me. I welcome your comments and any specific questions you may have.

We separate ourselves from people unlike us in a number of ways.

It is possible to achieve family harmony, social justice and yes, even world peace - one word at a time.